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The Lite Side

Sniglets for the Mac

- 2003.10.07

Here at the Lite Side we're always anxious to exploit another person's clever idea. Sometimes it pays off, and sometimes it doesn't. Luckily for us (or maybe because you're one of the five people who regularly read this column) no one has objected to these flights of plagiaristic fancy, so there's no reason we have to apologize to Rich Hall before starting

Sniglets for the Mac

floppistation: An older Mac with a built-in floppy drive networked to your new Mac without one.

$oft drive: An extra external hard drive you use for any other purpose than data storage, such as a bookend or monitor stand.

blue screen of debt: This is the screen you get when you have to pay a bill online before it is due and your browser refuses to accept the changes.

Trojan corpse: A computer you're afraid to use because you know it hasn't had its hard drive wiped yet - and you know it is infected with a virus or worm.

frammistand: A frammistan is a device you don't quite know what its purpose is, and a frammistand is what you place it on.

dot cobb: When wooing investors at a luncheon meeting, you always order something that you wouldn't normally eat when alone, such as a cobb salad.

oh yes 9: The sensation of relief and familiarity when you switch back to OS 9 to do something you can't figure out in OS X.

oh yes ecks: The sensation you feel when doing something in OS X that you used to have to boot into OS 9 to do.

javajavajava: A sudden burst of coding fueled by caffeine.

cheesypoofs: Fuel.

strawberry poptart: Blowtorch fuel.

tirewire: An unsuccessful search for an appropriate cable.

random excess memory: Memory you were talked into buying to solve some problem - but it didn't work.

underwater submarine sandwich: I have no idea what this is.

Pentiumthol: A drug which, when administered, makes you admit you don't really understand what a Pentium does.

MAC: Macintosh Antipathy Condition, a disease whose only symptom is to spell "Mac" in all caps.

mouse squeal: The sound a really old mechanical mouse makes when its sensor wheel rotates. Alternatively, the sound an optical mouse makes when scraping across a surface not meant for mice.

CDVD: An optical storage disk which is either a CD or a DVD. Since it isn't labeled, you can't tell which.

Flash crowd (with additional apologies to Niven): The crowd that gathers around your desk at work to watch a risqué or hilarious Flash animation.

lidverage: On an airplane, the amount of force the ridge at the top of the seat in front of you can put on the lid of your laptop.

Macrimination: The automatic assumption that whatever is wrong with the network is caused by the Mac on the network.

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