How could we resist, after the shining examples laid down by
Redmond in the "Fake Switcher" fiasco and now the "Butterfly
Backfire?" Over here at the Lite Side, we have to predict the next
blunder Microsoft makes in advertising - after all, they
even steal their advertising ideas. Since that's true, they
might as well steal some of my ideas for the Lite Side's
Future Advertising Blunders by Microsoft
#10. Microsoft rents a blimp with a giant MSN butterfly on
the side, which they intentionally crash into a Superbowl crowd
(inspired by the book Black Sunday) for the additional exposure.
Microsoft later apologizes and gives a leftover copy of Windows Me to
the families of victims.
#9. Microsoft pays motorists to speed and get pulled over
for it, then display an MSN logo on the roofs of their cars as all
the looky-looks drive by (inspired by Bay Area traffic). Microsoft
later apologizes and pays the advertising costs for the evening news
reporting the fiasco.
#8. Microsoft purchases a midsize designer housewares
company, then puts the corporate logo on all of the labels, just
before conducting insider trading that puts the company in the news
every evening (inspired by Martha Stewart). Microsoft later
apologizes and reduces the size of towels, establishing a new
industry standard.
#7. Microsoft joins with Disney to create a new Disney
cartoon, Clippy the Bendable and his adorable animal sidekick, the
Tack, which looks remarkably like a guy wearing a big blue suit
(inspired by The Tick). Microsoft later apologizes and removes Clippy
- while leaving Tack intact.
#6. Microsoft pays two idiots to drive around town smashing
things, hoping it will turn into a canceled TV show and a low-budget
movie (inspired by Jackass). Microsoft invites the stars of the show
to a lunch at the corporate headquarters, then sues them for breaking
a stained-glass coffee table shaped like a butterfly (of course, the
whole thing is captured on video for the six o'clock news and for use
in court).
#5. Microsoft sponsors a gangsta rap musician who, unknown
to them, creates a song that says "busta blue/screen of death to
you/Gonna smash a screen/unnastan what I mean" (inspired by any Fox
News report of rap music). Microsoft holds a press conference to
apologize, but no one can understand what they say.
#4. Microsoft gives away thousands of MSN CD-ROMs, each of
which contains a tiny electronic circuit that explodes when the disk
is inserted into a non-Windows computer - or a Win 98 or older
machine (inspired by reports of exploding disks in 48x CD drives).
Microsoft apologizes, then offers to recycle AOL CD-ROMs by grinding
them up to make new MSN CD-ROMs. Everyone cheers for a while.
#3. Microsoft decides to cripple the Mac version of its
software by making some important component of each product
incompatible or nonfunctional with its enterprise scaled products -
for example, Mac users cannot construct a multiple-choice response
memo on an Outlook server (inspired by Trustworthy Computing).
Microsoft doesn't apologize but rather points to all the people who
haven't purchased its crippled product.
#2. Microsoft pays Safeway and Kroger to allow butterflies
to be plastered on the floor of your local grocer. The sticky side of
the butterflies are aimed upward, so it sticks to your shoe as a
constant reminder to try MSN (inspired by their own ad campaign in
NY). Microsoft apologizes and offers to replace your shoes with Air
MSN sneakers.
#1. Microsoft offers to handle transaction payments for
online purchases, then sets up your account to automatically pay for
MSN by way of a "service fee" charged automatically to your account
(inspired by PayPal and AOL). Microsoft apologizes, keeps charging
the fee, and throws in a CD which explodes if inserted in a non-XP
computer to help heal the wound.
iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13.
"What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
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Introduction to Autofs in Mac OS X, Keith Winston, Linux to Mac, 07.01.
"Autofs is often used in enterprise environments to set up network-based home directories and other network mounts for users at login."
Checking Out Safari 4 on an Old PowerBook, Charles W. Moore, 'Book Value, 06.30.
Safari 4 is the fastest it's ever been, but it's not without some frustrating drawbacks.
Best Mac Pro Deals, 07.02.
Used 3 GHz 4-core, $2,000; 3.2 8-core, $2,900; refurb 2.8 8-core, $2,399; new 2.66 4-core, $2,290 a/r; 2.26 8-core, $3,070 a/r; 2.66, $4,499; more.
Best 13" MacBook & MacBook Pro Deals, 07.01.
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Best Power Mac G3 and PCI Video Card Deals, 06.29.
Used beige 300 MHz, $25; G4/366, $39; blue & white 350, $80; 400, $90; 450, $105; PCI video cards from $15; shipping additional.
Best Mac OS X 10.0-10.3 Deals, 06.29.
Mac OS X 10.0, $30; 10.1, $20; 10.2, $60; 10.3, $50; 10.3 Server, unlimited users, $130.
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