The Lite Side

Dvorak, PCs, and 'Weird' Switchers

- 2002.07.09

Some people will accuse me, after clicking through the link to get to this article, of trolling for hits by sucking off the anti-Dvorak sentiment stirred up by John Dvorak's recent anti-Mac rants. Despite what you are thinking, nothing could be further from the truth. I am simply telling you the truth the government doesn't want you to know about Dvorak's relationship with Apple.

I mean, look at the guy in his staff photo. Just following his honorable example in the article, you should note how his face is all squished up on his right side - like the distance from his eyebrow to his lip isn't consistent, sort of like he got stepped on as a baby or something.

That has to affect brain function, doesn't it? Some kind of right-hemisphere logic dysfunction or something.

Now that we've gotten the merely personal potshots out of the way, let's examine some more of the factors governing the relationship of Dvorak with Apple.

First, there's the fact that on most current Apple products, the keys pop off pretty easily. Believe me, as a teacher, I know. And if you rearrange the keys into Wheel of Fortune guessing sequence, it will be easier to type. And whose name is most closely associated with scrambled keyboard keys?

Are you following me here? I have to check, because as Dvorak says, "I worry about most of you dimbulb Mac users."

You'd think there'd be some kind of natural affinity here. It would be interesting to know if Dvorak uses a Dvorak keyboard.

Next, there's the fact that the average period of time between Dvorak Mac-bashing articles seems to be about four weeks. Same as a paycheck, if you get my drift. You'd think a guy who depends on a company for his livelihood would be a little more positive about the relationship.

Finally, there's the whole "these people [in the Apple Switch ads] are weirdos" sentiment.

You have to admit Dvorak has a point there. Most of the people I know (outside of school) use PCs. And most people are pretty weird. That kind of goes without saying. I mean, who do you know that you could really call "normal"?

A few people I know use Macs. Some are being forced to switch to PCs by their IT departments for all the usual reasons. Anyway, the reason these people are weird is not because they chose to use a Mac - it's because the used to use PCs and there hasn't been time for the weirdness to wear off yet.

Pretty simple explanation when you think about it. After all, they're all "switchers."

That pretty much explains Dvorak's whole attitude: PC-weirdness with a touch of motivated self-interest. All you Web geeks searching for an answer as to why Dvorak hates Macs so much, give it a rest. I got your answer right here. ::gesture deleted::

If Dvorak is the kind of columnist PC mags have to offer, I worry about their future. Seriously.

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