The Lite Side

Funny Stuff on the Web

- 2002.04.22

Everyone has a list. I have lists of lists - even boxes of lists of lists. They are stored in a government warehouse-like room, formerly known as my garage. It's filled with boxes full of junk worth less than the expensive Gorilla racks I got from Home Depot to set them on. Anyway, here is one of those lists.

Funny Stuff on the Web

If one of these things doesn't make you laugh right out loud and snort milk all over the cafeteria table (yes, I once told a joke so funny I made someone snort milk out of her nose all over a cafeteria table, and although she denies it to this very day, I know it happened even though I can't remember just what it was that I said), then I'm just not doing my job. Oh yeah, and a lot of this has to do with Apple and Macs, so it's kind of relevant to this site. I guess.

Ever seen one of those little motivational rocks you get when you go to a motivational rock concert, er, seminar? Yeah, the ones that say, "There's nowhere to go but up!" The kind of thing companies buy millions of just before they up and do an Enron. (Before they get Enronized. Before they Enron all over the floor. I don't think the whole Enron thing has been properly verb-ized just yet.) Well, these guys at make demotivational posters that really tell it like it is. My favorite: Incompetence. "When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do." Substitute "megahertz" for "efforts," and it gets even better.

Crazy Apple Rumors

I have a dream that someday, I'll write a rumor as convincing as something Anne Onymus did when she got Slashdotted, that someday, I'll be corporate enough to write for, and somehow, someway, I'll get published on Crazy Apple Rumors and make the whole world laugh with me, instead of at me. Seriously, these people at Crazy Apple Rumors need help. Send them money. But only after you send us money first.

DATELINE: Tacoma Narrows Bridge, Washington. Microsoft denied today that sympathetic vibrations from the multiple cooling fans of Pentium IV processors running Windows XP were the forced oscillators that caused the second bridge in history to collapse over this famous gorge. In an unrelated development, the Microsoft headquarters in Redmond, Washington experienced a structural collapse due to metal fatigue. (Caution: Satirewire is targeted at an adult audience and can sometimes contain offensive language.)

Strawberry Pop-Tart Blow-Torches

Do not try this at home. Required reading for science students.

American Science Surplus

Where else can you get giant inflatable insects for $3.25 each? Triangular highlighters with a pen tip on each corner for $2.25 (pkg. 3). Strobe light inside a black plastic skull for $24.95? 1000 crayons for $25?

This is where you find the good stuff!

Dave Barry

I am not allowed to read Dave Barry late at night in bed because I invariably wake up my wife laughing so hard I shake the bed. That's not easy to do with a 1,200 pound waterbed, either. I swear I am not making this up. It's either that, or her Pentium computer didn't shut down properly. Not sure which.

Got Milk?

This has nothing to do with snorting your milk out your nose, but it's worth a look anyway:

And no list of funny stuff would be complete without the All Time Funniest Motivational Video of All Time (courtesy of the Joy of Tech, also very funny in and of itself.)

Got a funny site you want to share? Well, find someone else to tell about it, because I could really care less. (He yawns.)

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