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The Lite Side
On Changing Light Bulbs
- 2002.03.27
Q. How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 79: seventy-seven to buy or break all the spare light bulbs in town; one to get a patent on the ubiquitous light bulb socket (one way or another); and one to charge enough for screwing in the light bulb that it pays all the others' salaries.
Q. How many Apple employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 5: One to redesign the light bulb; another to redesign the socket. Another spends all his time installing the new sockets in strategic markets for free. One opens a new Apple Light Bulb and Socket Store, and one to tell us about it on an enormous stage while wearing jeans and a black turtleneck.
Q. How many Dell employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 2: One to knock a hole in a nearby wall, and the other one tells us the light from the hole is just as good as the light bulb would have been.
Q. How many Linux users does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it takes about a month because that person has to blow the glass, try out different filaments, pump the air out of the bulb, and assemble the bulb - only to find it doesn't fit the socket without an expensive adapter.
Q. How many Compaq employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We'll have to get back to you on that because the light-bulb manager we used to work with got laid off after the merger.
Q. How many Gateway employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but odds are it'll be the wrong wattage. And you'll have to wait for it to be delivered to your house; they don't stock any at the store.
Q. How many Low End Mac users does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 2: one provides the old Mac SE/30 case, and the other tears up a lamp to mount inside it. Working together, they make a MacLampium.
Q. How many High End Mac users does it take to change a light bulb?
A. High end Mac users use fluorescent lighting in the table and counter surfaces and rarely have to change a bulb. Occasionally they have to rip out a countertop to put in a new ballast.
Q. How many Mac humor columnists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. All of them. Most of them are pretty dim bulbs, too.
Recent Lite Sides
- You Might Be a Computer Geek If..., 06.17. 20 signs that you just might possibly be a computer geek.
- What if Apple thought like a PC company?, 11.01. Apple has innovated and blazed its own trail. But what if it had followed the path taken by the PC copycats?
- How Microsoft can turn Vista lemons into lemonade, 10.22. How Microsoft could profit by no longer allowing manufacturers to sell new PCs with Windows XP installed.
- iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13. "What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
- More in the The Lite Side index.
Links for the Day
- Mac of the Day: 17" MacBook Pro Core Duo, Apr. 2006 - The top-end MacBook Pro includes a 1680 x 1050, 2.16 GHz Core Duo CPU, and supports Apple 30" Cinema Display.
- Group of the Day: G4 List is for those using Power Mac G4s or G4 upgrades.
- November 24 in LEM history: 98: Microsoft's heavy hand - 00: Looking at the iMac - 04: The best Mac for the holidays - Picking the right replacement for a dead mouse - Better battery for 15" AlBook
- Support Low End Mac
Recent Content on Low End Mac
- Pismo WiFi Networking Issue Finally Solved?, Charles W. Moore, Miscellaneous Ramblings, 11.24. It turns out the problems wasn't the Pismo, the Buffalo WiFi card, or Mac OS X 10.4. It was the Wireless G router - Linksys to the rescue!
- Mini VGA to S-video Adapter a No Go for eMacs, Dan Bashur, Apple, Tech, and Gaming, 11.24. You might think that Apple's Mini VGA S-video adapter is a cheap way to connect your eMac or G4 iMac to your TV. You would be wrong.
- Google Calendar with iPhone or iTouch Is Great for Scheduling, John Hatchett, Recycled Computing, 11.24. Web-based Google Calendar allows access and updates from any computing platform, including Mac, Windows, Linux, and iPhone OS.
- Why Spaces is My Favorite Leopard (and Snow Leopard) Feature, Charles W. Moore, Miscellaneous Ramblings, 11.23. Spaces, a feature introduced with OS X 10.5, is like having several monitors on your Mac without the cost and space of using multiple displays.
- i5 iMac Benchmarked, Mac mini 'Shouldn't Be Overlooked', Twitter Client for Classic Mac OS, and More, Mac News Review, 11.20. Also why Apple leaves the low end to others, 10.6.2 fixes video playback problem in 27" iMac, 3D Leopard and Snow Leopard performance, and more.
- Apple's Tablet an End Run Beyond Netbooks, Frank Fox, Stop the Noiz, 11.20. Whatever Apple has planned will leverage existing technologies while going beyond what its competitors can offer.
- Apple #4 in Reliability, Apple Tablet a Gadget for All?, HP's i7 Notebook Outdoes Mac Rivals, and More, The 'Book Review, 11.20. Also Flash 10.1 improves video on Hackintosh netbooks, thin-and-light notebooks impress, Windows XP finally on the way out, and more.
- NASA Chemical Sensor for iPhone, Smartphone Death Match, iPhone Earrings, and More, Ian R Campbell, 11.20. Also mobile phone dangers, new apps, GPS solution for iPod touch, new iPod and iPhone cases, and more.
- More links in our archive.
Recent Deals
- Best G4 iMac Deals, 11.24. Used 15" 700 MHz CD-RW, $150; 800 MHz Combo, $229; 1 GHz, $289; 17" 1.25 GHz, $200; 20" 1.25 GHz, $509.
- Best MacBook Air Deals, 11.24. Used from $899; refurb from $1,099; new 1.6 GHz/120 HD, $1,150 after rebate; 1.8/64 SSD, $1,150 a/r; 1.86/128 SSD, $1,350 a/r; 2.13/128 SSD, $1,694 a/r.
- Best PowerBook G3 Deals, 11.24. Used 233 MHz WallStreet, $75; 266 MHz, $160; 400 MHz Lombard, $199; 400 MHz Pismo, $289; 500 MHz, $350.
- Best 12" PowerBook G4 Deals, 11.23. Used 867 MHz SuperDrive, $348; 1 GHz Combo, $379; SD, $519; 1.33 GHz, $529; 1.5 GHz Combo, $549; SuperDrive, $609.
- Best Mac Pro Deals, 11.23. Used 2.66 GHz 4-core, $1,300; 3.0 4-core. $1,919; refurb 2.66 4-core Nehalem, $2,149; 2.93, $2,549; 2.93 8-core, $4,999; new 2.26 8-core, $2,290.
- Best Time Capsule and AirPort Deals, 11.23. Used 802.11g AirPort Extreme, $49; 500 GB Time Capsule, $150; new, $190; 1 TB dual-band, $280; 2 TB, $469; 802.11n AirPort Extreme, $170.
- Best eMac Deals, 11.18. Used 1 GHz Combo, $100; SuperDrive, $269; 1.25 GHz Combo, $119; SD, $319; 1.42 GHz Combo, $289; SD, $498.
- Best Mac OS X 10.6 and Mac Box Set Deals, 11.18. "Snow Leopard", single user, $25; 5 users, $45; Mac Box Set, single user, $139; 5 users, $180; Server, $414. Shipping included.
- Best Xserve Deals, 11.18. Used 1 GHz dual G4, $649; 2.3 dual G5, $795; 3.0 4-core Xeon, $1,899; refurb 2.26 4-core, $2,499; new, $2,888; refurb 8-core, $2,999; new, $3,449; more.
- More deals in our archive.
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