The Reality Distortion Field (RDF) has been the subject of much
public debate but little scientific inquiry. The RDF is supposedly a
field capable of supressing skepticism or criticism in the intended
subject regarding certain commercial projects, most notably in
Apple™ computers and Pixar™ computer animated movies.
Some characteristics of the RDF's physical manifestations are
easily inferred from past observations. The larger the field strength
of the RDF, the more likely a Macworld audience is going to buy into
the presentation. RDF energy is not conserved and must be replenished
on a regular basis.
Relationship to distance. As with the other forces of
nature, the RDF weakens with distance. However, even though it is
very strong near the source, it is remarkably robust over
distances at least as large as the earth. The evidence for this is
the strong market share Apple enjoys in countries such as Japan.
Therefore it is unlikely to be a simple inverse square effect
(such as gravity or light intensity). Since it falls off more
slowly than a classic inverse square rule, it is either 1/d or
1/dn, where d is the
distance and n is a positive number between 0 and 2. Until
sufficient data are gathered to discriminate, it is our view that
the RDF falls off as 1/d.
Relationship to time. The longer the time from when an
RDF burst is emitted to when it is no longer effective seems to be
cyclical in nature with a period of approximately 0.5 year. It
peaks after each Macworld keynote and falls off rather
substantially after that. Therefore, it is probably a sinusoidal
function.
Prejudicial constants. Certain individuals seem immune
to RDF phenomena, whereas others are more susceptible and may
remain entranced for as long as six to eight weeks. There is an
empirical constant W which expresses the individual's
susceptibility to RDF phenomena. If W is small, the
individual is not susceptible to RDF effects; if W is
large, RDF effects linger for weeks, months, and sometimes years.
Whatever the value of W, its relationship with RDF strength
is direct.
Rumormorphological effects. The greatest RDF field
effects are seen when the major announcement of the show meets,
exceeds, or trumps the expectation of rumor sites reporting on
upcoming product prior to the keynote at Macworld. Therefore the
difference between the RDF and the RMDF is the exponent of a
constant; if the difference is positive, the RDF effects increase;
if the difference is negative, the RDF effects decrease.
Summary: These well known effects constrain the behavior of the
RDF force field to the following field equation:
RDF strength = W x
(RmRMDF) x cos(2 x pi x
T/0.5)/r
Where W is the Prejudicial Constant (Windows IT
Professionals W = 0; Longtime Macolytes, W = 1),
Rm is the Rumormorphological Constant (which be defined to
be equal to 1)
RMDF (the current value of the Rumormorphological effect;
can equal -1 if rumors are conservative or lame or +2 if rumors are
wildly speculative; equals +1 if they appear in mainstream press at
midnight before Keynote)
T = time remaining until next Macworld
r = physical distance from Steve Jobs (in meters)
Conclusion
This mostly analytical approach can be complicated by various
effects such as the so-called Seybold effect. The periodicity can be
deflected temporarily by the Tokyo Skew Factor. And, of course, there
are the well known Microsoft Binary Trigger (= 0 if Office is selling
poorly, = 1 if Office is selling well) and Adobe Field Dampening
Press Release effects. These are all under investigation at this
time.
We are also investigating the effect of Artistic Advertising vs.
Ads that Address the Real Issues (sometimes called Chiat-Day manifold
space side effects) and the Woznian Background Radiation that
permeates Apple space.
We find the lack of empirical data so great that claims of
sensitivity to RDF phenomena documented on sites such as AtAT to be
questionable at best. While humans are susceptible to the RDF field,
it has yet to be conclusively demonstrated that wallets are
susceptible to RDF field strength at any given time. Therefore we
call for a great deal of empirical data and are currently seeking
funding for a cluster of G4 Power Macintosh towers to create a
parallel processor capable of dealing with the many variables
involved in the problem.
iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13.
"What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
List of the Day: Mac Pro List is for those using a Mac Pro.
August 20 in LEM history: 98: Unplanned obsolescence - 99: Open Link Policy - 01: Video editing on low end Macs - Picking a PCI video card - 02: iTunes 3 review - 04: Bad RAM can crash your Mac - Dual-core G4s coming - 07: White iBooks still a good bet? - VMware Fusion good for fusing Windows with OS X - Restoring PowerBook batteries
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