Quicklinks: · Power Macs · 'Books · Early Macs · Week's Best Deals · Best Buys · OS Downloads

Other Things Dell Did First

2001.10.15

In light of the recent brouhaha (a micro-panic, really) over Michael Dell's claim that Dell put integrated wireless laptops on the market before any other PC maker (because, after all, we know Apple doesn't make PCs...) I did a little investigating to determine what other sorts of things Dell did first.

You'd be surprised at what I found out.

First PC Infected by Doofus Virus

Records show that Dell was the first vendor to ship a laptop to be infected by the Windows "Doofus" virus, which makes the owner's hard drive emit a loud burping noise similar to the effect of eating too many Doritos while guzzling Diet Snapple watered down with 7 Up and a touch of ginger ale shaken violently with just a touch of Mrs. Dash added for cachet. It then emails this sound to every high-muckity-muck you know. Dell narrowly beat competitor Gateway (home of the seven-stomach-flu-virus) on this one. Ah, the rewards of being #1.

First CRT to Cause Cancer

Dell's manufacturing division did not realize that the early Configurion™ (Con-fig-YUR-ee-on) monitors shipped in 1994 actually contained klystron modulator tubes which emitted X-rays. Discovered by accident in a photo lab which kept finding mysteriously exposed film in their film storage locker, Dell quickly recalled the monitors, set them on fire, and claimed the recall was to prevent accidental fire in the monitors.

First use of the syllable "-ion" (Ee-Yon) in a computer name

Dell pioneered the use of the "-ion" suffix with its early On-ion™ computer in 1953, which reportedly was a real stinker and quickly pulled from the shelves after only 11.9 minutes on the market. Apparently, despite its name, it would not stay on when you turned it on. More recently, Dell has registered the following names for future use in their -ion desktop line, hoping to follow the success of the Inspirion™ (in-SPEER-ee-yon; corrects the spelling error Dell made when naming this model "Inspiron"), Dimension™ (DIM-en-SEE-on), and Precision™ (pre-SIZZ-ee-yon) computers:

• Dellion™ (a cardboard computer from Office Depot)
• BurninHellion (uses the new Pentium 4)
• Pavilion™ (pah-VILL-ee-yon - most people don't know that HP licensed this name from Dell. In fact, HP still doesn't know it.)
• Fusion™ (fuse-EE-yon; requires another 30 years R&D before it actually works)
• Accordion™ (yank-o-VIC-ee-yon; makes amusing noises when you squeeze the mouse)
• Hyperion™ (all screen savers set to Warp 8)
• Confusion™ (con-FUSE-ee-yon; randomly selects a different version of Windoze every time it boots)
• Ovenion™ (o-VEN-ee-yon; turns itself on when you leave the house)
• Vermilion (ver-MIL-ee-yon; first fire-engine-red computer)
• Alliteration-ion-ion™ (al-LIT-err-ATE-ee-yon-ee-yon-ee-yon; first computer with triple-redundant backups)
• Confabulation™ (con-fab-u-LATE-ee-yon; used by his Mikeness his own self)
• Titanion™ (a silver colored, still dripping with wet titanium spray paint laptop developed far ahead (11.9 minutes ahead, to be precise) of the TiBook made by Apple), and finally,
• OhBabyYouTurnmeion™ (Used strictly for online whoopee)

First Stalker to Head Computer Company

Michael Dell, as well documented on the popular Mac site As the Apple Turns, is obsessed with becoming Steve Jobs; he follows His Steveness's moves so closely, sometimes he does them before Steve does. That would make him a stalker, I think, whether he does it himself or has some http proxy do it for him.

First Use of Black as Pentium Heat Radiator

In the past, computer makers would occasionally produce computers colored black in an attempt to add "Henry Ford color" to their lineup. For Dell, that perennial innovator, that wasn't enough: In 2001 they connected the Pentium's heat sink (now at an unimaginable 16.8 pounds of supercooled triple-jacketed aluminum) directly to the metal, black exterior of the computer, providing a large radiative surface in an attempt to keep the interior cool. Some users in the Pacific Northwest use this computer, the so called "Blackbody" Radiation™ (ray-dee-ATE-ee-yon) as the primary heat source for their homes.

First Use of Desktop Internal Power Supplies

To keep the computer running in the face of computer power blackouts, in 1995 Dell introduced the short-lived DieHardion™ (brusseh WILL-iss-ion) computer, using a car battery to provide power. The line was abandoned when users called in to complain that they could no longer start their computers, having never figured out how to plug them in. They used their computers for all of 11.9 minutes before draining the car batteries dead, and many balked at having to buy a new car just to have a spare battery.

Conclusion (con-CLUE-see-yon)

As you can see, Dell continues to be an Inspiration™ (In-spuh-RATE-ee-yon) to everyone in the computer business, and today, in particular, to me as I write this column. We can only hope that Mike "I am not Steve" Dell realizes the enormity of his contribution to the world of computing, before it's too late and he goes back to selling used cars or something.

Happy Compution™ (Come-Pootee-on)!

Recent Lite Sides

• What if Apple thought like a PC company?, 11.01. Apple has innovated and blazed its own trail. But what if it had followed the path taken by the PC copycats?
• How Microsoft can turn Vista lemons into lemonade, 10.22. How Microsoft could profit by no longer allowing manufacturers to sell new PCs with Windows XP installed.
• iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13. "What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
• Pigs fly, snow in Death Valley, and Dvorak uses a Mac, 08.03. What has the world come to when John Dvorak, founding member of the Axis of Macevil, walks into the temple of All Things Macintosh?
• More in the The Lite Side index.

Links for the Day

• Mac of the Day: 'Yikes!' Power Mac G4, Aug. 1999 - The only Power Mac G4 with PCI graphics was built on a modified G3 motherboard.
• Group of the Day: SuperMacs is for those using Umax SuperMac clones.
  
• November 21 in LEM history: 00: OS upgrades, downgrades - AltiVec vs. Pentium III - 01: Saved by the clones - Computer of the future - 02: Apple Education: Let's get to it - 03: Panther lets Macs and PCs work together, - Lombard SCSI bug - 05: 3 survivors from the 1970s - Real world battery life inadequate - Windows to Mac file transfer with Zip disks - $99 alternative to Microsoft Office - 06: Parallels 1.0 far more polished than beta

Recent Content on Low End Mac

• iPhone #1 Worldwide, Google Voice Search for iPhone, iPhone 3G Battery Pack, and More, iNews Review, 11.21. Also British accents throw off Google voice search, lots of new iPhone apps, universal USB car charger, new protective cases, and more.
• DisplayPort Copy Protection, Trackpad Update, Netbooks Not to Be Taken Lightly, and More, The 'Book Review, 11.21. Also Apple set for record sales, 4-finger gestures on original MacBook Air, MacBook Apple's best consumer notebook to date, Cricket laptop stand, bargain 'Books from $490 to $2,299, and more.
• 15 Reasons Macs Are Better, Quad-core iMac in January?, USB 3.0 Spec Finalized, and More, Mac News Review, 11.21. Also 25 years of Macs, 'Snow Leopard' in Q1?, SimpleTech's faster and greener hard drive, Hyperspaces, StarOffice for OS X, and more.
• Virtualization Shootout: VMWare Fusion 2 vs. Parallels Desktop 4, Kev Kitchens, Kitchens Sync, 11.20. Both programs do the same thing, but one runs Windows XP smoothly alongside Mac apps, while the other bogs down everything but Windows.
• Just Right: Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear MacBooks, Charles W. Moore, 'Book Value, 11.20. Some people like small and light notebooks, others prefer huge desktop replacements, but the best value tends to be in the middle.
• Apple Caves to Hollywood with DRM on iTunes Videos, Frank Fox, Stop the Noiz, 11.20. HDCP on the new MacBooks means that you may never really own those videos you buy from the iTunes Store.
• Leopard Runs Very Nicely on PowerPC Macs, Simon Royal, Mac Spectrum, 11.19. Some claim that Mac OS X 10.5 is so optimized for Intel Macs that it runs poorly on PowerPC hardware. That's simply not the case.
• No High Definition iTunes Video for You, Dan Knight, Mac Musings, 11.19. The October 2008 MacBooks are preventing users from viewing some high-def iTunes content from being viewed on their external displays. Poor form!
• Every Working Computer Is Useful to Someone, Allison Payne, The Budget Mac, 11.19. Whether it's a PowerBook 1400, G3 iMac, or Power Mac G4, it could be all the computer someone needs.
• 3 WeatherBug Options for Apple Users, Charles W. Moore, Miscellaneous Ramblings, 11.19. Have instant access to current local weather conditions with a Dashboard widget, iPhone app, or Firefox plugin.
• More links in our archive.

Recent Deals

• Best Power Mac G4 and AGP Video Card Deals, 11.20. Used 400 MHz, $50; 733, $100; 800, $199; 1.25 GHz, $300; 800 MHz dual, $200, 867, $300; 1 GHz, $350; 1.42, $400.
• Best iBook G3 Deals, 11.20. Used 300 MHz clamshell, $150; 366, $199; 800 CD, $180; 600 CD-RW, $240; 700 Combo, $290; 900, $369; 14" 600, $360; 900, $449.
• Best Power Mac G3 and PCI Video Card Deals, 11.20. Used beige 300 MHz, $25; blue & white 350, $80; 400, $90; 450, $105; PCI video cards from $15; shipping additional.
• Best iMac G4 Deals, 11.18. Used 15" 700 MHz Combo, $243; 800 MHz, $280; 1 GHz, $380; 17" 1.25 GHz SuperDrive, $400; 20", $549.
• Best MacBook Air Deals, 11.18. New 1.6 80, $1,150 after rebate; 120, $1,744 a/r; 1.8 80, $1,794 a/r; 1.6 128 SSD, $2,150; used 1.8 64 SSD, $1,500; new, $2,200 a/r; 1.86, $2,398 a/r.
• Best Mac OS X 10.0-10.3 Deals, 11.18. Mac OS X 10.0.3, $30; 10.1, $20; 10.2, $60; 10.3 CD, DVD, $100; CD, $119; 10.1 Server, unlimited users, $58; 10.3 Server, unlimited, $150.
• Best iPod nano Deals, 11.17. Refurb 3G/4 GB, $79; new, $114; refurb 8 GB, $99; new, $125; 3G/8 GB, from $134; 16 GB, from $189. Prices include ground shipping.
• Best Titanium PowerBook G4 Deals, 11.17. Used 1 GHz with SuperDrive, $478 plus shipping.
• Best Xserve deals, 11.17. Used G4/1 GHz, $999; G5/2 GHz, $1,288; new 2.0 4-core Xeon, $1,900; refurb 3.0 4-core, $2,599; 2.8 GHz, $2,499; 3.0 8-core, $3,499.
• More deals in our archive.

<go to the Lite Side index>

Support LEM

Affiliates

The Apple Store
.mac
iTunes Store
Club Mac
MacMall
MacResQ
ExperCom
eBay
Amazon.com
PayPal
PCMall
PC Zone
Crucial Memory

Our advertising is handled by BackBeat Media. For detailed price quotes and advertising information, please contactat BackBeat Media (646-546-5194). This number is for advertising only.

Entire Low End Mac website copyright ©1997-2008 by Cobweb Publishing, Inc., unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Advice presented in good faith, but what works for one may not work for all. Please report errors to .
  LINKS: We allow and encourage links to any public page as long as the linked page does not appear within a frame that prevents bookmarking it.
  Access our RSS news feed at http://lowendmac.com/feed.xml.
  Email may be published at our discretion; email addresses will not be published without permission, and we will encrypt them in hopes of avoiding spammers. If you prefer your message not be published, mark it "not for publication." Letters may be edited for length, context, and to match house style.
  PRIVACY: We don't collect personal information unless you explicitly provide it. For more details, see our Terms of Use.
  Low End Mac is an independent publication and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Apple Inc. Apple, the Apple logo, Macintosh, iBook, iMac, eMac, iPod, iPhone, PowerBook, MacBook, MagSafe, Mac Pro, Apple TV, and AirPort are registered trademarks of Apple Inc. Additional company and product names may be trademarks or registered trademarks and are hereby acknowledged.