Virtuality: the nexus between the virtual and the real, the
place where the virtual becomes real and reality becomes virtual, a
matrix of appearances.
The Tech Support DanceApril 24, 2000 David
Schultz First, I want to thank all of you who wrote me about my experience
with Apple Tech Support in my first
"Virtuality" column. (Please note that when you write me, I will
never publish your email address. We know better than that here at
LEM. We may quote you though.) Let me say that I am still trying to
discover if there is a problem with the trackpad button on the Pismo,
and I will keep you informed. But after reading some of the replies,
and then reading more generally on the web about tech support, I had
some thoughts about getting results when you call. It seems some
techs out there feel defensive, and some customers out there are fed
up with them. Each brings this tension to the situation. So we have
to be careful on both sides. A tech support call is actually an
intricate dance of conflicting interests and viewpoints. Let me
explain. Someone who does tech support all day wrote me about my first
article. He said, "So dealing with these kind of people [who
don't know what they are talking about] all day makes one suspect
any one callers (sic) knowledge or claim." In other words, techs get
tired - and after listening to know-nothings all day one begins to
suspect most don't know Jack! I completely understand this. After
dealing all day with what we in the philosophy department
affectionately call "grade mongering" (an attitude that a class, or
college, is only about grades, and bugging your professor more
and more will get you better ones), I tend to suspect all students
have this attitude. They don't, and not all tech support callers are
know nothings, and neither are all techs jerks. Obviously it is much
more complex than this. If you really are new to all things Mac and don't have a clue,
then you have to play your cards right. There is one piece of advice
we can adopt: Don't try to fool them. If you try to come off as if
you know what you're doing when you don't, it will be brought to
light during the conversation if the tech is good. Then you have lost
him. The best policy would appear to be to state your ignorance up
front. It's okay, you'll never meet him anyway! If you explain that
you are confused or frustrated and need help, he may (I say
may), hear you saying you need him, and everyone wants to be
needed. You may have a better experience overall. The point is: Don't
fake it. If you don't know something, don't act like you do. If you do know your stuff, then try to drop clues that you are not
a regular consumer. But you have to be subtle. I don't tell Apple
techs I write on the Mac web when I call; it could come off as a
threat and immediately raise the stakes too high. Don't say, "I
really know my stuff, so listen to me, you idiot!" Not good. You want to be on equal terms. So how do you get there? It is the
vocabulary you use, they way you say things, how you describe the
problem itself, which achieves this. Don't say, "I am having trouble
with the thing next to the black object over to the kind of upper
middle right of the other thingy. Ya know?" Imagine being the tech
who hears this! What sense can be made of it? Before I call Apple
Tech or any tech, I look in the manual to see exactly what is called
what. I didn't want to say, "I have a hot button," since there are a
couple of buttons on the machine; I didn't even want to say "the
button under the trackpad." I wanted to know what the name of that
button was. I found it's called the "trackpad button" in the manual,
so that is what I used. I would then speak the tech's language. The point is that sometimes you need to study before you call.
Write out your problem on paper first. That always helps clarify the
issue in your head, and hopefully it will be clear in
their head, too. If someone sounds like a moron, he'll be
treated like one. So don't sound like one. Bone up on the issue and
vocabulary before you call. While you will never be equals with a
tech unless you too are a tech, at least he'll see you differently
than others, maybe. But most of the time the first thing we do is call tech support.
Then we can make fools out of ourselves. I understand the impulse,
though. Our machine is down, and there are important docs on it. We
have deadlines, and we want quick results. But we need to be careful
in this Internet age of instant answers. It is always easy to pick up
the phone for every little inconvenience. But resist the urge. I have
found solutions to most of my problems by waiting before I call a
tech. When I haven't called immediately, I have gained a wealth of
information I can give the tech when I call. In fact, most of the
time when I call I end up saying over and over again, "I did that
already. I zapped the PRAM. I did a clean install," and so on. It
goes a long way to getting to the real solution, and it may avoid the
call in the first place. It also lets the tech know you have brain.
Once we have danced this dance, we usually get to the meat of
issue. I might even give the procedure a name. In medical ethics we have
the "principle of last resort," which says that the most drastic
means should be left as a last resort. One doesn't immediately do
surgery before he has tried medication (if the condition calls for
it). Why cut when you can give a pill? So perhaps we could adopt a
"tech support principle of last resort": - Do everything imaginable (to you, depending on your
background knowledge) to fix the problem before you call tech
support, if possible.
I say "everything imaginable" meaning "the basic counter measures
for any problem," such as rebuilding the desktop, zapping the PRAM,
running TechTool Pro and Conflict Catcher, disabling extensions, and
trying to reproduce the problem. The last - reproduce the problem -
is important. Two questions the tech will want answers to are (1) is
the problem random, and (2) what where you doing when it happened?
Immediately go back and open the same programs, and do exactly what
you were doing when the machine crashed or did whatever it did. See
if it does it again. In fact, try to reproduce it. If you cannot,
then you may not have to call after all. If you can reproduce it,
that will help the tech find the problem. "Everything imaginable" does not include voiding your warranty,
though. Don't call and say, "After over-clocking my new G4, I keep
getting these crashes." Not good. And if you get into something that
you really don't understand, or are dealing with some hardware issue,
you need to be careful. A simple static shock can permanently disable
your Mac. "Taps" is the only music you'll hear after that. If you
rush into a hardware issue, then you might not need tech support.
Instead, you'll need a salesperson from whom to buy a new machine.
"Everything imaginable" does not mean "even the inane." Think, don't
act. I say do everything you can before you call "if possible," because
you may need surgery right away and no medicine will help, e.g., your
machine won't even start up, a processor is fried. Yes, some
emergencies are real. Then call right away. But otherwise, there are
plenty of resources on the Net that you can pursue before calling. On
some forums you may find five or fifty people with the same problem,
all trying to fix it. Their troubles can save you a lot of
trouble. Some people wrote me about the inherent conflicts in tech support.
A business has budgets; the goal of tech support, some said, is to
save the company money. So a tech will do anything to talk you out of
the problem. Well, now that Apple has billions in the bank, that is
not an issue! Maybe they'll be more ready to test and, if need be,
replace something than they were in the dismal days several years
ago. And not all companies are like this. I have found some tech
support to be so fast in replacing products I almost feel guilty.
This has been my experience with Iomega a few times. But there are
real issues about the so called "click
of death" with Zip drives, and this may account for the speed of
the reply. After all, when the tech can actually hear the problem on
the phone, that goes a long way to solving it! The point is not to
paint with too broad of a brush on either side. I have no doubt that there are bad techs everywhere. I have no
doubt that some have bad days every day of the week. But not all. And
this article is not meant to either defend techs or give tricks for
manipulating them (I suppose it can be read both ways). Hopefully,
it's common sense that will help both parties. I have read over and over that one needs to be rude and loud to
get good support. I don't think this is universally true. There are
times we need to be demanding, but there good ways to do this and bad
ways to do this. If you do get a bad tech or just have a personality
conflict with one, then hang up and call again until you get one you
can work with. Just end it. Don't cause yourself misery. If you do get results from rudeness and anger, you may have a
smooth running computer, but at what price? You have to weigh the
options to make sure that when you hang up the phone you are not
worse off in other ways. The only thing you have control over when you call tech support is
yourself, and this makes all the difference. You'd be amazed what can
get done if this control is not given away.
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