One of the most unexpected bits of news in recent week's was
Hormel's
decision to stop fighting the use of the word spam for
junk email. That seems to be the only good news on the junk email
front, especially with the Democrats upholding the First
Amendment rights of spammers to spam us.
But wait, what's that - the United
States Postal Service is coming to our rescue? It appears so,
although it might be a long uphill battle. On Thursday, Postmaster
General John E. Potter, citing unfair competition, announced
a class action suit against all spammers operating within the
United States or sending unsolicited email to U.S. residents.
This suit is in conjunction with new legislation backed by
both parties of Congress which could be unveiled as soon as Friday,
June 22. Under the new law, which President Dubya is expected to sign
immediately, anyone sending spam from the U.S. or to U.S. residents
will be taxed threefold.
They will be assessed a fee of 1/10¢ per recipient for
the entire mailing. This fee will go to the US Postal
Service.
They will be assessed an additional fee of 1/4¢ per
recipient for any mail destined for a U.S.-based ISP. This fee
will go to any ISP processing three or more emails.
They will further be assessed 1¢ for each addressee in
the U.S. or using a U.S. based ISP.
The net cost for sending unsolicited bulk email, which this
legislation defines as any message sent to over 1,000 recipients who
did not opt in, will be 1.35¢ per addressee for U.S. recipients.
That means it will cost spammers $13.50 to send out a thousand
messages - or $135,000 to use one of those lists of "10
million spam free addresses."
Spammers will not be able to get off the hook by sending similar
emails to 999 recipients, either. Anyone caught doing that or
bypassing the USPS mail server will receive an automatic
$1,000,000 fine, with half that going to the Postal Service and
the other half divided among those who reported the spam to
spambuster@uspostalservice.net.
The Postal Service's class action suit attempts to make this
retroactive to June 22, 1996, which should provide the funds
for their new micropayment system.
Yes, rumor lovers, the Post Office is going into the micropayment
business. Starting with the very addresses culled from spam,
the USPS will be setting up a massive distributed redundant database
of email addresses. Each email address will be tied to a micropayment
account which will be credited 1¢ each time you receive
spam.
How will they afford this? They're counting on the class action
suit, but can fund the system without if need be. Much to
Microsoft's chagrin, the entire infrastructure will be
Linux-based, which will help keep costs down. But with
billions of spams processed each day, the Postal Service should rake
in at least a billion dollars each year - unless the rate of
spam declines.
The Postal Service may make even more money from undeliverable
email, since all those pennies in all those accounts for closed
and nonexistent email addresses will revert to the USPS after one
year of inactivity.
This whole proposal turns spam on its head - the more email
addresses you have, the more money you can make. And the USPS will
let you aggregate all your micropayment accounts into a single
ewallet. You've gotta love it!
Well, unless you're a spammer. This legislation, which will also
require all spam generated within the country or entering the
country to use new USPS mail servers, will literally nickel and
dime spammers to death. Not only will it cost spammers 1.35¢
for each email they send you, but they'll even have to pay for bad
email addresses!
For anyone who has ever complained about spam, this is much better
news than the email tax hoax, which would have taxed spam
along with legitimate email. (Hoax. Hoax. Hoax. It's a hoax. There is
no legislation pending to tax email, just spam. Really.)
Well, excuse me, I need to sign up for a few hundred free email
addresses, post them on the Web, and make sure the spammers can
find me. ;-)
- Anne Onymus
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