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Mac Musings
We're Back
Dan Knight - 2003.11.06 - Tip Jar
Low End Mac hasn't been updated for the past three days. It's nothing I'd anticipated, but when all the content on a website has to go through one person, these things can happen.
History
I'm a geek, an introvert, a hardware guy, not terribly expressive of emotions or good at relationships. I don't take very good care of myself, and over the past few months I realized that I'd fallen deep, deep, deep into depression - not so deep as to actually contemplate suicide, but deep enough to have such thoughts pop up now and then.
A month ago my doctor put me on Wellbutrin SR with 150 mg each morning. Five days later, that became twice a day. It was hard to tell what it was doing at first, but I could tell when it quit working just under 10 hours after taking my morning dose. I also found myself far more in touch with my emotions that was usual. Raw emotions. Nearly overwhelming emotions. The good feelings were stronger, and so were the bad ones. No more emotions sneaking up on me - plus Wellbutrin helped with my Attention Deficit Disorder.
Three weeks into medication, I suddenly got a nasty migraine-like headache that eased up a bit but stuck around for days. Because I had surgery scheduled for November 5, I couldn't take anything for the pain. I woke up last Friday, launched Safari, and typed Wellbutrin and Headaches into the search box, and Google found all sorts of links about Wellbutrin causing migraine-like headaches.
No more of that. Called the doctor, asked for something different, and he put me on Effexor XR, which I started taking Saturday morning. The first two days were fine, but I couldn't sleep Sunday night because of leg pains - and then I spent 14-16 hours sleeping on Monday. I simply couldn't stay awake, spent almost no time at the computer, and haven't downloaded email since last Friday.
On Monday the doctor gave me some samples with half the dosage, which I'll begin taking on Thursday. I still slept quite a bit on Tuesday and again hardly touched my computer.
I'm writing this Wednesday evening. I had an upper GI this morning - after sleeping in once again - and I spent most of the afternoon sleeping. This is the first time I've been at the computer to work on Low End Mac since Friday. I'm hoping to have two or three more articles ready to go before I turn in for the night.
Relationships
I've never been good at relationships. I gave up on having friends in grade school, settling for acquaintances until I started dating, and I didn't date much. Any time a relationship went bad and I tried to fix it, I only made it worse. My relationship skills are apparently toxic - yet one woman loved me and married me.
We've known each other for about 24 years and been married for 22 of them. We've had four sons, several homes, and several jobs. We've had our ups and downs, good times and bad. And now we've hit rock bottom.
It's the latest in a list of things bringing my depression to the point where I recognized it - losing a job I was very good at, being involved in a new church startup that never got off the ground, being victims of spiritual abuse at a church we loved, watching my employer disregard my advice and prepare to deploy Windows, being unable to attend church regularly due to migraines, the dot-com failure nearly destroying Low End Mac.
Thanks to site supporters, Low End Mac is in the black again. This fall I've begun attending church regularly again. Some things are improving - but I may have lost my wife. Anything I try to do to fix the relationship seems to backfire, or maybe she's already made up her mind and nothing I can do will make any difference. Or maybe that's just the depression talking.
I can't give up hope, but I can't keep trying. My toxic relationship skills have made a bad situation worse, and the timing (just as I came to realize I was depressed) couldn't have been worse.
The next step is counseling, figuring out how to get beyond the depression and learning how to build a healthy relationship, how to avoid being toxic.
Looking Ahead
My goal is to get all of this week's content up on Thursday and Friday. We'll skip the price trackers for a week and concentrate on editorial content.
I have been overworking myself. I'm going to take the week of American Thanksgiving off, and we'll also be closed from the afternoon of Christmas Eve through New Years Day. I may not go anywhere or do anything, but I haven't had a vacation of any sort in way too long now.
I don't know what kind of counseling schedule we'll be looking at, but once I get myself in some semblance of order, the next order of business is addressing what remains of our marriage. That may cut further into the time I can spend on Low End Mac (mostly dealing with email and our mailing lists), but as I tell my writers when they run into conflicting demands, real life comes first - writing for LEM can wait.
I'll also be working on a publishing system for Low End Mac that will allow our staff to contribute articles online instead of via email. A couple guys at church are very conversant with drupal, two of my sons are really good with PHP, and between us we're going to migrate Low End Mac to drupal in the coming months.
Eventually this will let us keep things going even when I take a vacation. That's something I'm really looking forward to.
Dan Knight has been using Macs since 1986, sold Macs for several years, supported them for many more years, and has been publishing Low End Mac since April 1997. If you find Dan's articles helpful, please consider making a donation to his tip jar.
Recent Mac Musings
- No High Definition iTunes Video for You, 11.19. The October 2008 MacBooks are preventing users from viewing some high-def iTunes content from being viewed on their external displays. Poor form!
- Anticipating Macworld: Nehalem, Snow Leopard, and Updated Desktops, 11.18. Intel's Core i7 CPU has to make it way into the next Mac Pro, nVidia GeForce graphics will drive the iMac and Mac mini, and 'Snow Tiger' will unleash the animal within.
- One Used Mac Can Make a Difference, 11.12. Instead of scrapping out old Macs for raw materials, what if the Mac community worked to restore them and give them away to those with no computers?
- A Brief History of Portable Computing: From Dynabook to Netbooks, 11.06. 40 years ago Alan Kay dreamt of a two pound handheld computer. Portables have made a lot of changes since 1981, but haven't yet matched the Dynabook.
- More in the Mac Musings index.
Links for the Day
- Mac of the Day: 14" iBook G3/600 MHz, Jan. 2002 - The first 14" iBook ran at a comfortable 600 MHz.
- Group of the Day: Mac OS 9 List covers Mac OS 9 as both a freestanding OS and as Classic mode in OS X.
- December 1 in LEM history: 99: Monitor dot pitch - 00: Macs for new users - Everybody wants to use iMacs - Career options - 03: Pfinder: Panther-like Finder for legacy Macs - 04: Why I use an eMac, iBook, and Power Mac - ThinkFree Office - MacLink Plus 15 - 05: PowerBook 190 still a great laptop - Eudora, the Mac's most powerful email client - 06: Core 2 'Books cooler and faster
Recent Content on Low End Mac
- The Very Best Macs: Sometimes Apple Just Nails It, Andrew J Fishkin, Best Tools for the Job, 12.01. Apple has produced lots of good Macs, a few dogs, and some 'best of breed' models that stand apart from the pack.
- Apple Could Buy Dell, and Linux Is No Threat to Mac OS X, Charles W. Moore, Miscellaneous Ramblings, 12.01. Apple has the cash to buy Dell outright, and the idea has some merit. Also, why Linux still isn't ready to displace the Mac OS.
- Will Snow Leopard Support Some PowerPC Macs?, Simon Royal, Mac Spectrum, 11.26. It just doesn't make sense that Apple would ship a new OS that won't support Macs sold less than three years ago.
- From Ubuntu to OS X, Picking the Right Mac, an Aluminum Mouse Pad, and More, Mac News Review, 11.26. Also changes in Apple culture, OWC rebates on Hitachi drives, Clone X clones OS X, and LaCie SilverKeeper updated for OS X 10.5.5.
- Apple Retail Will Break Records This Christmas, Tim Nash, Taking Back the Market, 11.26. "Despite all the economic problems, Apple Retail can look forward to another successful quarter with sales maybe breaking through $2 billion...."
- iPhone 2.2 Software Update Released and Jailbroken, Advent Calendars for Your iPhone, and More, iNews Review, 11.26. Also making Street View work on the iPod touch, BlackBerry Storm questions answered, Microsoft's forthcoming phone, eco-friendly cases, and more.
- MacBook Slowdown without Battery, DisplayLink and DRM, 256 GB SSD, MagSafe Solutions, and More, The 'Book Review, 11.26. Also Mac netbook prospects, laptop cooling table with 2 fans, solar notebook bag, hard shell cases for unibody 'Books, bargain 'Books from $500 to $2,299, and more.
- Old Macs in the New Economy, John Hatchett, Recycled Computing, 11.25. "We are the kings of making our computers last, last, and last some more."
- Virtualization Shootout: VirtualBox 2 vs. VMWare Fusion 2, Kev Kitchens, Kitchens Sync, 11.25. VirtualBox is aimed at a different audience than Fusion and Parallels. While it works well, the typical desktop user will probably prefer Fusion.
- Software to Keep Your MacBook Cool, Phil Herlihy, The Usefulness Equation, 11.25. Heat is the enemy of long hardware life. Two programs to keep your MacBook running cooler.
- Another Way to Run WeatherBug, Aspire One Runs OS X, 17" MacBook Pro Hi-res Display, and More, Charles W. Moore, Miscellaneous Ramblings, 11.25. Also finding that 'just right' notebook computer, car, or truck.
- More links in our archive.
Recent Deals
- Best iPod nano Deals, 12.01. Refurb 3G/4 GB, $79; new, $105; refurb 8 GB, $99; new, $115; 3G/8 GB, $134; 16 GB, $174. Prices include ground shipping.
- Best 12" PowerBook G4 Deals, 12.01. Used 1.5 GHz SuperDrive, $481/C$599 plus shipping.
- Best Mac Pro Deals, 12.01. Used 3.0 GHz 4-core, $2,102; new 2.66 GHz 4-core, $1,949 after rebate; 2.8 4-core, $2,099 a/r; 8-core, $2,515 a/r; 3.0 $3,320 a/r; 3.2, $4,099 a/r.
- Best MacBook Deals, 11.26. Used 1.83 GHz, $595; 2.0 SD, $660; refurb 2.1 GHz, $949; 2.4, $999; black, $1,099; new 2.1, $869 after rebate; 2.4, $1,150 a/r; black, $1,194 a/r; more.
- Best iPod touch Deals, 11.26. Used 1G/8 GB, $160; refurb, $179; new, $198; used 16, $200; refurb, $219; refurb 32, $319; new, $340; 2G/8 GB, $219; 16, $289; 32, $379.
- Best Power Mac G5 Deals, 11.26. Used 1.6 GHz single, $450; 1.8, $499; dual, $600, 2.0, $800; 2.3, $816; dual-core, $1,000; 2.5 dual, $1,000; 2.7, $1,050; 2.5 Quad, $1,400.
- Best MacBook Deals, 11.26. Used 1.83 GHz, $595; 2.0 SD, $660; refurb 2.1 GHz, $949; 2.4, $999; black, $1,099; new 2.1, $869 after rebate; 2.4, $1,150 a/r; black, $1,194 a/r; more.
- Best Mac mini Deals, 11.25. Used 1.42 GHz G4 Combo, $429; 1.66 GHz Core Duo, $449; 1.83, SuperDrive $629; new 1.83 Core 2 Combo, $570 shipped; 2.0 SD, $760 shipped.
- Best 15" PowerBook G4 Deals, 11.25. Used 1.67 GHz SuperDrive, $539; hi-res, $800. Shipping additional.
- Best Time Capsule and AirPort Deals, 11.25. Refurb 500 GB Time Capsule, $249; new, $281; refurb 1 TB, $419; new, $462; AirPort Extreme Base Station, $159; Express, $60.
- More deals in our archive.
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