Apple's Blender-based Naming Strategy

- 2006.01.11

Okay, so now we have the MacBook. The Power- prefix is gone, presumably because the PowerPC chip is gone, so the name change makes sense - except that a Mac and a 'Book are in fact the same, which changes the "Mac" part from being a noun to an adjective.

This opens up all sorts of new possibilities for naming conventions, which we here at the Lite Side like to call

Apple's Blender-based Naming Strategy

As in . . . put some syllables in a blender and see what happens.

Given the new lineup of Apple products, can we use the prefixes and suffixes of products to predict future offerings? Let's see what happens.

What have we got now?

• AirPort - Apple's wireless technology
• iBook - Apple's consumer-level laptop
• iLife - Apple's suite of digital content management programs
• iPod - Apple's Digital Thing That Does All Things
• Mac mini - Apple's laptop without a screen - or keyboard, mouse, trackpad, or battery
• MacBook Pro - Apple's new Intel-based professional laptop
• iMac - Apple's long-standing name for a home computer
• Power Mac - It won't be long until this name is history, when desktop machines lose their PowerPC chips.

Since these are Macs (noun) and Mac is now an adjective, these will heretofore be known as (you heard it here first):

The MacMac. Affectionately known as the Mac². Or 2Mac FerSure. Apple's new Intel-based Desktop. Fer sure to be a crowd pleaser.

So what's left for the future? To find out, I consulted the Apple Blender, and it told me to look for:

• AirMac - New name for Apple's wireless card
• AirMac Extreme - What Apple will call the wireless card that makes the AirMac obsolete
• MacAir - An empty box with no Mac in it.
• iAir - is human; iGive divine.
• LifePod - Waterproof music device for lifeboats.
• MacLife - A pitiful case of near-isolation followed by near-obsessive desire for new hardware.
• MacPort - Docking cradle for laptops, modeled after iPod docking stations.
• MacPod - This will be an iPod that carries a processor and enough RAM to boot up all by itself, given peripherals. Sort of a Micro-Mini-Mac. Bigger than an iPod and smaller than a Mac mini.
• MiniPod - This will be an iPod which is exactly 1 cubic inch in volume.
• AirPod- An iPod with no connectors, connecting wirelessly for all synchronization functions.
• BookPod - Apple's long-awaited ebook reader
• AirLife - That would be Apple's new trademarked name for oxygen.
• PodMac - Apple's new tablet-style iMac, which looks disturbingly like a gigantic iPod. (Perhaps the 8 pound one with a 10" screen Steve Jobs mentioned yesterday.)
• PortPod - Apple-style Porta Potty. All white and clean looking. At first.
• PodPort - An adapter for "obsolete" iPod owners (1st - 4th gen) that gives them wireless connectivity.
• iPort - A wireless receiver to receive streamed iTunes programming, which fits on your ear.
• PodPod - A backup system for your iPod that copies everything onto a duplicate iPod.
• MiniBook - An ebook reader you wear like glasses.
• iBook Pro - A laptop for self-employed home business owners.
• MiniPod shuffle - An iPod shuffle that is only 4 millimeters across, just large enough to accept a headphone jack.
• PodBuds - Miniature earbuds with wireless reception. You glue them to your teeth and listen to them through the bones in your head.
• iMini - Miniature replica of iPod created specifically for "Austin Powers 4: When Your Last Name Is Obsolete".
• McPod - Content-fixed iPod included in Happy Meals™, cannot be recharged and only plays the same 3 songs over and over for about 10 hours.
• microPod - Newly engineered iPod smaller than the width of a human hair. Sold in batches of 50.
• iMac - Some kind of computer thing. Oh, wait....
• ProMac - A new kind of drug for depressed Windows™ users. Or a kind of caveman who says it's better to leave your computer on all the time rather than let it sleep. (Pro-Mac-on Man). You decide.
• PodPro - A new iPod with 2 Terabyte storage capacity, used to run radio stations.
• Mac Pro - Proposed name for desktop Macs with Intel processors, abandoned in favor of MacMac.
• iPro - Software to write business proposals, to be included with iLife '07.

I'm sure there are some other combinations in the Blender, but I don't have an iSpatula for scraping them out right now.