The Lite Side

Guide to Overused and Abused Apple Metaphors

- 2003.02.04

Remember this oldie but goodie?

A guy walks into a bar and hears a patron call out "sixteen" - which is then greeted with riotous laughter.

Another customer says "seventy-two," which sends everyone into fits.

"What is going on here?" says the guy to the bartender.

"These guys have been telling the same jokes for years," says the bartender. "They've all heard them so many times before, now they just call out the number instead of taking the time to tell the whole story."

"I see," says the guy. "Can I try?" he asks. The bartender shrugs.

"Forty-two," they guy says. No one laughs.

"I said, uh, forty-two!" he cries, louder. Again no one laughs.

He runs from the bar in embarrassment.

The bartender looks around at the other patrons and says, shaking his head, "Some guys just can't tell a joke."

It's an odd phenomenon. It seems like every time the mainstream press gets hold of an Apple story, they have to come up with some cute metaphor dealing with apples - the kind you eat. We've seen so many, used so often, we think it's time you printed out and posted

The Lite Side's Numerical Guide to
Overused and Abused Apple Metaphors

From now on, just refer to these by number (links included where appropriate):

  1. Byte of the Apple (and associated but rarely seen Nybble of the Apple)
  2. Tasting Apple (trying to use a Mac to see if you like it)
  3. Core of the Apple (usually referred to as rotten or fundamental)
  4. Apple as the forbidden fruit of corporate cubicle dwellers (They want it but can't have it because IT says blah blah blah blah)
  5. Plucking, picking, or dropping the apple from the tree, as in Power Mac G4 Cube Falls From Apple's Tree
  6. Apple computers have appeal
  7. Bobbing for Apples
  8. Ripening Apple
  9. Worms in the Apple
  10. Sour Apples
  11. Applesauce (The Apple /// operating system was called Apple SOS, perhaps the worst pun to ever leave Apple headquarters. Like the Apple /// itself, this is best forgotten.)
  12. Apple tree
  13. Sir Isaac Newton
  14. Candy Apples
  15. Apple and oranges
  16. Johnny Appleseed
  17. Planting Apple seeds
  18. Blooms off the Apple tree
  19. Chopping down the Apple tree
     and finally
  20. Apple juice

Now get to work memorizing those numbers....

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