This last year saw some of the funniest computer-related humor
ever. Nothing to compare with a
pie in Bill Gates' face, of course, but some stuff came pretty
close. Tops on my list:
Justice Department realizes it uses Windows
Some junior law clerk points out at a lunch meeting that everyone
in the DoJ is using Windows, and the case just falls apart after
that. You'd think they were paid off or intimidated or something. If
I worked there and had a conscience, I'd resign for "other
opportunities" too.
"We don't copy anything from Apple," declared the
little yellow rubber duckie login symbol from Windows XP. "Quack,
quack, quack," he added. Turns out another computer manufacturer
featured the same photo-realistic symbol for the same purpose and
highlighted it in the same way in advertising. The whole thing turned
out to be a minor flap. The duck, we note, was facing the other way,
which pretty much sums up Microsoft's interpretation of the whole
"innovation" thing.
Freedom to Innovate
Let's see . . . can anyone tell me how
Microsoft has innovated this year? Anyone? Yes, sir, you in the
back . . . oh, right, yes, the whole Pass-storm, Hail-dot
and Net-port thing. Yes, that is an innovation, for sure. Anything
else?
FBI supports Windows
When the FBI starts issuing tech
tips for Windows . . . you might want to consider switching
platforms.
Dead People Don't Use Windows
But they
do write letters to congress complaining about this whole
discriminatory, unnecessary, innovation-killing, economy-stifling
thing we like to call "the law." (Also see Dead
People Don't Use Windows.)
All this just goes to show that the real reason Windows dominates
the computing world is that the other operating systems just aren't
funny. Mac aficionados (that's an Italian word that means
"Star-Trek style fanatic") are just too serious about saving the
world by promoting the Mac.
Linux would be funny, but it has to recompile its kernel first.
The real reason Linux is not taking over the desktop world is because
even though Linux is a great pun (Linus + Unix = Linux), who wants to
use an operating system from a lumpy-headed kid who carries a blanket
and sucks his thumb?
Anyway, in a shameless plug of self-promotion, here are my
favorite Lite Side columns from 2001. And here's a special message to
that secret little ego-dude deep inside Bill Gates' heart, the one
that makes him do the things he does: We're not laughing with
you, we're laughing at you.
Other things Dell did first,
10.15. Important Dell firsts - besides the first portable with
integrated wireless networking.
Death of a Floppy, 12.24.
This gripping piece of modern American Techno-Tragedy sees "the
Floppy" struggle and fail to maintain his role in a world of big
files.
iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13.
"What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
Mac of the Day: 'Yikes!' Power Mac G4, Aug. 1999 - The only Power Mac G4 with PCI graphics was built on a modified G3 motherboard.
Group of the Day: Tiger List is for anyone using Mac OS X 10.4.
July 5 in LEM history: 98: iMac: First of a family? - iMac perfect for schools - 00: Apple is not your friend - 01: 75 Mac Advantages - Exploring the fractal universe - Do you trust me? - 02: The joy of X with Classic - 05: No Quartz Extreme for Pismo - Brief history of NeXT - 06: Education iMac - TopXNotes - Battery reset utility for WallStreet and Clamshell iBooks
Amazon.com v. Interstate Sales Tax: Everyone Loses, Dan Knight, Mac Musings, 07.01.
Amazon.com is standing up to states that are trying to have it collect sales tax on interstate commerce, which most see as a violation of federal law.
Introduction to Autofs in Mac OS X, Keith Winston, Linux to Mac, 07.01.
"Autofs is often used in enterprise environments to set up network-based home directories and other network mounts for users at login."
Checking Out Safari 4 on an Old PowerBook, Charles W. Moore, 'Book Value, 06.30.
Safari 4 is the fastest it's ever been, but it's not without some frustrating drawbacks.
Best Mac Pro Deals, 07.02.
Used 3 GHz 4-core, $2,000; 3.2 8-core, $2,900; refurb 2.8 8-core, $2,399; new 2.66 4-core, $2,290 a/r; 2.26 8-core, $3,070 a/r; 2.66, $4,499; more.
Best 13" MacBook & MacBook Pro Deals, 07.01.
Used 1.83 GHz, $595; 2.0, $629; new 2.0, $889; 2.13, $925 after rebate; refurb 2.0 Unibody, $949; 2.4, $1,099; new 2.26 MBP, $1,119 a/r; more.
Best Power Mac G3 and PCI Video Card Deals, 06.29.
Used beige 300 MHz, $25; G4/366, $39; blue & white 350, $80; 400, $90; 450, $105; PCI video cards from $15; shipping additional.
Best Mac OS X 10.0-10.3 Deals, 06.29.
Mac OS X 10.0, $30; 10.1, $20; 10.2, $60; 10.3, $50; 10.3 Server, unlimited users, $130.
Best Time Capsule and AirPort Deals, 06.29.
Close-out 500 GB Time Capsule, $199; 1 TB, $350; AirPort Extreme Base Station, $130; refurb AirPort Express, $85.
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