Michael 'Mike' "Mick" McMac's Mac Know-it-all Column #2

Here our resident Mac expert, Michael "Mike" "Mick" McMac answers all your Mac questions. This week we learn about MAC addresses, advice on buying flat-panel iMacs, doing the Hokey-Pokey, and the correct interpretation of the term ROM.

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Dear Mike,

Sometimes I see references to Mac and to MAC and to MAC addresses. What's the difference?

Larcy Luther

Dear Larcy,

Mac is short for Macaroni, an fine Italian food that comes in a blue box with some yellow food-glue known as cheese. Chili Mac is what you eat when you can't make up your mind between Tex-Mex, Italian, and Wisconsonian food. MAC is what ignorant Windows-using fools call Macintosh computers. And a MAC address is 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino, California. Hope that clears things up for you.

M.

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Dear Mike,

What's the difference between RAM and ROM?

Sue Snodgren

Dear Sue,

RAM is what you call a male mountain goat. ROM is a character from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. He was Quark's brother. Turned out to be a fine engineer, towards the end of the series.

M.

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Dear Mike:

Should I buy a new iMac now or should I wait until Steve Jobs reveals new flat-panel iMacs at Macworld SF?

Darryl D. Wood

Dear Darryl,

I would definitely buy an iMac now. Apple is famous for providing backward support for all of its older models. I mean, if you did buy one and then another, better model came out, it wouldn't throw you into a RAGE, would it? (Why do you think they call them RAGE cards, after all?)

M.

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Dear Mr. McMac,

Thank you for visiting Seattle International Airport. Please answer the following few questions:

• [__yes __no] Has any one unknown to you asked you to deliver something into the airport?
• [__yes __no] Has your baggage been in your possession without interruption?
• [__yes __no] Did you attempt to connect a Mac to a corporate network?

Thank you for your cooperation.

R. Bocop

Dear Buckethead,

1. If they were unknown to me how would I know?
2. Except while I've been standing here talking to you.
3. That wasn't me, pal, so go chase packets somewhere else.

M.

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Dear Mick,

Remember me from the old neighborhood? We useta implode old CRT's with a pellet gun. You said once that if I needed anything, I could give you a call. Well, as it turns out, I got a problem: my computer won't print. It's a Compaq, I think. What do you say, pal?

Joey

Dear Joey,

Your mother would be ashamed of you, using a PC like that. Is that how you were raised? Well, for old times' sake, here is what you do: Chuck that puppy out a third story window and get yourself a Mac. No charge, pally.

Mick

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Dear Michael:

When's the last time you defragmented your hard drive?

Fr. Mikhail

Dear Father Mikhail,

I have done the three-finger salute when small children were watching. I have not defragmented in nearly six months. The last time I backed up I was driving my rusted out Toyota pickup. I have not updated my virus definitions since the Autostart Worm of '98. Fifteen times have I uttered the word "Microsoft" without cursing or putting that little lilt in my voice that indicates that the "s" is really a dollar sign.

Michael McMac

Dear Michael:

Reformat your hard drive and install Office 6 three times. From floppies.

Fr. Mikhail

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Dear Mr. McMac,

Is there some way I can get my iBook to start up a little faster when the battery dies?

Nolan Ridmouth

Dear Nolan,

Just pull the power cord in, then take the battery out, push the reset button in, and shake it all about. It's a little tiny button on the left hand side, that's what it's all about. *

M. *sung to the tune of "the Hokey-Pokey"

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Dear Michael,

What's your favorite food?

Nancy

Dear Nancy,

Big Macs, of course. And Apples. Big red MacIntosh Apples. Yum!

M.

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Michael "Mike" "Mick" McMac

Dear Mike,

What's Mr. Jobs going to announce at MacWorld SF today?

Horace Gumbunny

Dear Horace,

By the time you read this, the announcements will have already been made. So I'm leaving you a blank here to fill in what Steve says after the fact so it will look like I'm really in tune with insider info. Notice that's a little different than the rumor sites strategy of predicting everything that might possibly happen and then selectively remembering which rumor they said would happen after the fact. My method is far more efficient and takes less work. One more innovation brought to you by Mike McMac, Mac Columnist.

(Insert MacWorld Report here)

Well folks, that's about it for this week. As always, send your Mac computer questions to Low End Mac. The really hard ones, they'll forward to me.