Michael 'Mike' "Mick" McMac's Mac Know-it-all Column
2001.12.17
Have you ever read one of those computer advice columns in the
paper written by someone who didn't have a clue about Macs? They
either act like the Mac doesn't exist, or they say everything damning
the Mac with faint praise.
Wouldn't it be great if someone would write a column like that for
us? We at LEM's Lite Side Bureau hear your cries of pain and present
with total equanimity...
Michael 'Mike' "Mick" McMac's Mac Know-it-all Column
Your one-stop answer spot for questions about your
Mac
Absolutely! Here's what you do. First, open up the case and yank
out the RAM, hard drive, power supply, and motherboard. Then, buy
a brand new G4 computer and open it. Put all the stuff you find
inside the Quadra. Then the Quadra will run OS X. Remember to
keep a hacksaw handy.
M.
Dear M.
Exactly what is a low-end Mac?
J.
Dear J.
A low-end Mac is one where you have the back side (except for
iMacs and iBooks) lower than the front end. There was a trend back
in the 1980s where desk makers thought it would be cool to make
desks with deep sunken platforms, covering the computer screen
with a piece of glass like they have in those computers on Star
Trek. (If you do this with your iMac, it'll overheat and melt the
casing, then catch your desk on fire.) So basically, a low-end Mac
is anything except an iMac, which as I've explained, you cannot
use in such a desk. That is why this site is mostly about
late-model Macs. Get it?
M.
Dear Mick,
How do I empty the trash?
Sorrel Budstone
Dear Bud (can I call you Bud? You called me Mick, after
all),
First, put your a bag in your trash can. Then put your trash in
the bag. When the bag is full, pull the bag out of the can (this
might take two people) and place the bag in the big plastic thing
they leave in front of your driveway every week.
M.
Dear MAC
Can you help me? I need to run Windows at home but it won't
install on my MAC.
Sonny Pretzel
Dear Sonny,
There is absolutely, positively no way on God's green earth that
I'm going to be able to explain this to you in a way that you will
be able to comprehend. What you will need to do is quit your job
and find work at some place that isn't quite so lame. At the new
job, make sure they have MACS before you sign the contract.
M.
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gtrf
Dear gtrf,
Your keyboard will work properly if you shift your hands one key
to the left before starting to type.
M.
Dear Michael M. McMac,
Would you like to increase the value of your home for a no-down
payment, low-monthly installment loan for some new aluminum
siding?
John Besseler for the American Siding Company
Dear John,
Does it come in Blue Dalmatian?
Michael
Dear Mike,
I got a "type 2 error." What does that mean?
Mary Lou R.
Dear Mary Lou,
That means whenever you type the "2" the keyboard on your iBook
flips out and does a somersault across the carpet. Try tightening
that little screw between F5 and F6.
M.
Dear Mickey,
How do I switch between OS 9 and OS X?
Doris
Funny after all these years in the business, no one has ever
called me Mickey. I wonder why.
M.
Dear Michael, Wouldn't it be swell if all of us could have our own
place where other people could connect to pictures and words we wrote
about ourselves? That would be awesome. And just think, we could send
video and little letters to each other like mail but without paper.
Someday in the future, there's no telling what we can do.
Dorjan Farzput
Dear Dorjan,
You need to reset your time machine to about seven years later. Do
that and write back real soon.
M.
Dear Michael,
You didn't answer my question.
Doris
Dear Doris,
Sorry about that. There are basically six steps involved.
Delete everything important to you so you can get used to life
without it.
Erase your hard drive.
Install OS 9.
Install OS X.
Delete the one you don't want.
Reboot.
That ought to cover it for this week. Send your questions to the
nice guys over at LEM. The really tough ones, they forward to me.
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