In light of the recent admission by Microsoft that "funded
advocacy groups" have sent letters from dead people to newspapers in
support of the beleaguered* computer software company, Apple Computer
has issued a press release noting the tremendous advantages the
Macintosh computer has for the "dead or recently unliving."
Among other advantages, the Macintosh offers these feature of
unique interest to its dead customers:
Ability to restart the computer via the Energy Saver control
panel at specific times, such as midnight.
One-button whole-mouse operation, easier for those hands that
aren't as flexible as they used to be.
High resolution monitors with on-the-maggot resolution
switching.
Ability to apply high voltages to peripherals (such as your
heart) directly from the powered USB and FireWire ports.
High-resolution printing capable of printing death
certificates valid in 49 states (except Washington State, which
requires a valid Microsoft Owner's Permit and Valid Registration
Number. Apple is currently working on this compatibility issue
with the Microsoft Undead Business Unit).
Mainstream media, however, see the dead as a strong market for
Microsoft, which has inspired people to accidentally "cross over" in
fits of anger directed at high-voltage CRT units. Macintosh
computers, except for iMacs, are not based on dangerous CRT
technology, will require other tactics to convert customers via
lethal doses of electrical current. The low-power USB and FireWire
strategies are deemed too slow by the gaming community, which claims
it often takes weeks or months of exposure to get the same level of
crispiness that only a few minutes of Windows can generate. An Apple
spokesperson declined to comment on the persistent rumors that Apple
is preparing an LCD-based iMac to serve these customers with an
exposed, high voltage frame to take the place of the heavier and
bulkier CRT voltage conversion unit.
Windows advocacy groups "Gates of Hell" and "Picture Windows over
Valhalla" said that aside from the appropriateness of Windows for the
brain-dead, they also believed that, quote, "aaarguh, grap,
fragulll." A spokesman for Microsoft declined to elaborate or
translate but did note the grammatical parallels between "Windows
innovation" and "living dead."
*"Beleaguered. He said 'beleaguered'... heh, heh."
iPods that never passed beta or focus groups, 09.13.
"What most Apple fans don't realize is that there were a few iPod variants that never made it out of beta testing and the focus group stage."
Mac of the Day: 'Yikes!' Power Mac G4, Aug. 1999 - The only Power Mac G4 with PCI graphics was built on a modified G3 motherboard.
Group of the Day: SuperMacs is for those using Umax SuperMac clones.
November 21 in LEM history: 00: OS upgrades, downgrades - AltiVec vs. Pentium III - 01: Saved by the clones - Computer of the future - 02: Apple Education: Let's get to it - 03: Panther lets Macs and PCs work together, - Lombard SCSI bug - 05: 3 survivors from the 1970s - Real world battery life inadequate - Windows to Mac file transfer with Zip disks - $99 alternative to Microsoft Office - 06: Parallels 1.0 far more polished than beta
Just Right: Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear MacBooks, Charles W. Moore, 'Book Value, 11.20.
Some people like small and light notebooks, others prefer huge desktop replacements, but the best value tends to be in the middle.
Leopard Runs Very Nicely on PowerPC Macs, Simon Royal, Mac Spectrum, 11.19.
Some claim that Mac OS X 10.5 is so optimized for Intel Macs that it runs poorly on PowerPC hardware. That's simply not the case.
No High Definition iTunes Video for You, Dan Knight, Mac Musings, 11.19.
The October 2008 MacBooks are preventing users from viewing some high-def iTunes content from being viewed on their external displays. Poor form!
Every Working Computer Is Useful to Someone, Allison Payne, The Budget Mac, 11.19.
Whether it's a PowerBook 1400, G3 iMac, or Power Mac G4, it could be all the computer someone needs.
3 WeatherBug Options for Apple Users, Charles W. Moore, Miscellaneous Ramblings, 11.19.
Have instant access to current local weather conditions with a Dashboard widget, iPhone app, or Firefox plugin.
Best MacBook Air Deals, 11.18.
New 1.6 80, $1,150 after rebate; 120, $1,744 a/r; 1.8 80, $1,794 a/r; 1.6 128 SSD, $2,150; used 1.8 64 SSD, $1,500; new, $2,200 a/r; 1.86, $2,398 a/r.
Best Mac OS X 10.0-10.3 Deals, 11.18.
Mac OS X 10.0.3, $30; 10.1, $20; 10.2, $60; 10.3 CD, DVD, $100; CD, $119; 10.1 Server, unlimited users, $58; 10.3 Server, unlimited, $150.
Best iPod nano Deals, 11.17.
Refurb 3G/4 GB, $79; new, $114; refurb 8 GB, $99; new, $125; 3G/8 GB, from $134; 16 GB, from $189. Prices include ground shipping.
Our advertising is handled by BackBeat Media. For detailed
price quotes and advertising information, please
contactat BackBeat Media (646-546-5194). This number
is for advertising only.